Ep. #44 – Forgive Yourself So You Can Love Others


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“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.”
– Dalai Lama XIV

In This Episode

You’re going to see how our disappointment, anger and unwillingness to forgive ourselves keeps us from allowing others to forgive us and causes us to act in a way which brings about the hatred we feel we deserve.

Mean or Angry People Are Typically Mad At Themselves the Most

Each time we fail or come up short, we get angry with ourselves. We become disappointed in ourselves. We start to loathe ourselves. We all have the perfection of our creator at our core and these failures aren’t in alignment with that perfection. We become uncomfortable with ourselves and we actually want to reject ourselves. We don’t like being around ourselves because we’re disappointed with our self.

Because we can’t do that, we want to validate our feelings by having others reject us. This leads to behaviour for most of us, that’s designed (even though it’s not a conscious effort) to make others dislike us.

We Punish Ourselves for Our Mistakes

When we fail our expectations for ourselves, we tear ourselves all apart. It’s the equivalent of taking an emotional or psychological bat and pummeling ourselves for what we’ve done. The problem with this is that we end up causing major injury to ourselves. We end up degrading ourselves and you know who we believe more than ANYONE else? Ourselves. So, the most credible person in our world ends up telling us that we’re worthless and deserve to be punished.

Hurt People, Hurt People

At this point we’re hurt and we’re hurt by the very person who we think should accept us than anybody else… ourselves. It’s a odd twisted scenario, but when someone is kind to us, when we don’t think we deserve kindness, it hurt us, because we’re getting something we don’t deserve. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back.  I know, it’s odd, it doesn’t make sense, on the surface, but it’s a very real issue. When we hate ourselves, we feel most comfortable when others hate us as well.

Forgive Yourself and Allow Others to Forgive You As Well

Realize that the reason you are disappointed in yourself is because you know you’re capable of more. The reason you’re capable of more is because, at your core, you’re a wonderful beautiful creation and you have the spirit of God within.

Separate Yourself From Your Flesh.

This sounds horrible, but there’s the true self, the self that was created at conception and then there is the you who has been molded and shaped by your experiences in this world.

Each time an authority figure, whether that’s a parent, a teacher, a maybe just someone else you highly respected, expressed disappointment, that changed your exterior. With each one of those events, you reshape how you see yourself.

When You Can Forgive Yourself You Can Love Others

Hopefully, in this episode, we’ve been able to connect these dots that seem to be so far away from each other. When you are able to forgive yourself for things you’ve done, you free yourself up spiritually so you’re able to love others.

Some things Jesus said in this area…

  • The world will know us by the love we have for one another.
  • Love God and love your neighbors… that’s the entirety of the law.
  • Love your neighbor as you love yourself.

I would even suspect, when we’re not able to love ourselves, we’re not able to love our neighbors.

Call to Action

What have you done that’s disappointed you about yourself? Do not own that as your identity, instead realize, this is what the world has deformed you into. The real you… the you that was created in the image of God isn’t like this. Forgive yourself for these things… LEARN from the pain and change your actions.

To repent means to turn 180 degrees from where you were going. Jesus preached a message of repentance for the forgiveness of sins… sin is missing the mark… less than perfection. When we change our forward moving action, we repent.. that’s repentance… when we do this, we can find forgiveness of ourselves. When we do, we are free to love ourselves which gives us the ability to love our neighbors.

Have you had to forgive yourself for something?

Would you be strong enough to share it with others on our Facebook page if it would help them do the same?
If so… I’d be very grateful.


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About the Author

A formerly frustrated entrepreneur who has learned how to go from dreamer to doer to done. I help you discover your purpose, explore your psyche, maximise your productivity, and grow your platform so you can bring your unique gift to the world and live the life you deserve.